I don’t really have anything worth blogging about at the moment. Marcus and I had fun at a family wedding last weekend, I mysteriously reinjured my ankle, I saw a piece of flair on facebook that totally made me mad, my brother started college, etc. Nothing really exciting enough to be a blog in and of itself, but here is the thing, I feel like I should blog every three or four days. This ironically brings me to an actual blog topic worthy of its own post.
As most of you know I started seeing a therapist in November. Overall it has been a good experience (especially once I settled on a therapist in January). I’ve gotten a lot out of therapy, but hands down the biggest thing is that I learned that I either say or think the word should ALL THE TIME. Hence the blogging even though I have nothing to say. I think I should be blogging, so here I am blogging. This constantly thinking I should do something is technically called a cognitive distortion.
I can’t believe I reached the age of 29 before realizing that I do this, like I said all the time. (Read: I should have figured it out earlier) For instance, back in January I posted on facebook that I was currently reading a book even though I was really going to start it the next day. When I woke up the next morning I didn’t feel like starting that book, but I thought “I really should read that book because I posted on facebook that I was reading it.” Seriously. My therapist laughed at me when I told her that one.
I have no idea where this came from. In many ways I am a nonconformist, or at least I thought so until I realized that I am pretty much always thinking about what I should be doing. Right now I’m thinking that I should be sleeping, so that’s what I’m gonna do.
Reaching for Momma!
12 years ago
6 comments:
Ha! Only 29 years, huh? I know, I'm one of those "I should-ers" myself. It's a pain sometimes isn't it? Glad you are getting a lot out of therapy!
Good to know I'm not the only should-er. I think your better at doing what you should do than I am though!
So how do we stop the "should-ing"?? My problem is that when I don't do the "should", I tend to do the guilt trip thingie for not accomplishing "it"! I have gotten to the point I don't always verbalize the "should's", so nobody knows the difference if I don't get to "it". Hey, using "should" tain't as bad as using "on it!" after every sentence or phrase!!!! Ask Marcus :-)
Who used to say that anyway? Cousin Ish? Aunt Sister? Some other odd-named relative...?
The main tool to stop the should-ing is called the semantic method. Basically you substitute a different, and less judgemental phrase for should. Like instead of saying I should go on a diet you say there would be some advantages to going on a diet. Or "I shouldn't be anxious about speaking in public" can be changed to "It would be preferable if I weren't anxious, but you know most people have this same problem."
This is way harder than it sounds! When I first started doing this I simply could not rework the should thought into something else. The should kept popping up at the end of the sentence or would turn into ought to or another should equivalent!
Marcus...Aunt Bea has inserted "on it" mid-sentence "on it" or at the end for as long as I can remember..."on it". Used to provide your dad lots of laugh material. :-) Amanda, the semantic method sounds very much like the technique I used in the classroom for stating something in a positive way rather than a negative way, i.e. "Please close the door gently as you go out" rather than "Hey, don't slam the door!" I found a long time ago that it takes a lot of intentional practice to make the change stick. Practice, practice...which I got a lot of in the classroom with 22 kdg-ers!! I need to try changing the "should-ing"...I bet it is no easy task!! BTW...Becca loved the baby gifts!
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