They're out to get me...

Hi Everybody! Special guest blogger Marcus here. I’m flattered that you’re using your valuable Internet surfing time to stop by and read the random thoughts I have.

Ok, I have a confession to make: I hate spiders. Well, not really hate...more like an irrational, paralyzing fear at the mere thought of them. I don’t really know why, I just am. I know that some 98% of all spiders are supposed to be harmless, but I just don’t believe it. I mean, look at them! Why would God have given them so many legs if not for the purpose of running me down and eating my face? Why do they have that unique ability to spin those invisible, elaborate webs if not to catch me in some unsuspecting stroll though the back yard? I say evolution is alive and well, and they have evolved into lean mean Marcus-catching machines. Of course, have I been evolving to protect myself? No! I haven’t sprouted any form of exoskeleton or any extra appendage. I’ve still got the poor eye sight and only two legs (which are useless is running from them…they’re just too fast). And where have opposable thumbs gotten me in this endless struggle? Nowhere. It’s almost like I’m supposed to succumb to the beasts.

Why do I ramble on about this unholy injustice of the animal kingdom, you ask? Well, it’s because we have come upon the time of year that I truly dislike. Right now it’s getting along about 8 o’clock or so in the evening, and if I were to walk out in my back yard right now, I would see no less then three elaborate spider webs strung across the yard, the walkway, the gate, anywhere that I might tread. And right in the middle of each web is a big ole garden spider, just waiting for me to stick my face into their waiting fangs.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am actually in awe of the deathly little creatures. It truly amazes me just how talented and ingenious the little imps are. However, nothing bothers me more than these traps that they set for me in the back yard. Well, it’s not really the webs that bother me (they’re actually very beautiful), it’s the fact that you can’t see them until you’re right upon one and the beast is just sitting there staring into your eyes inches from your face. Eep. I almost didn’t go to work one day last week because there was one hovering across the back gate. I had to take a deep breath, grab a 4 foot piece of bamboo, and gently move the spider out of the way before running panickedly through the gate, all the while picturing the spider jumping on my back and crawling down my shirt! I really hate it when I do walk through them, and then spend the next half hour constantly brushing the phantom spiders off me and out of my hair.

Although, I do have to brag about something. Friday, Amanda and I were out doing some yard work. When we came in, I saw a spider suspended from her hair. Now understand, the spider was only about the size of a pea, and it looked pretty scrawny. But even so, I had to take a second, drum up all the courage in my body, and using the strength given to me by the sheer love of my wife, I clapped my hands together and rubbed vigorously to kill the thing. I almost didn’t make it; and if the spider had been any bigger, well…

Anyway, enough of this silliness. I need to stop talking about it…I can feel them crawling on me now. I hope you all enjoy your holiday weekend, and I’ll be back someday with more randomness. Thanks for listening, and enjoy the pictures.

-Marcus

(This picture is from a park out in East Texas last fall. Check out the story at http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/09/070912145919.htm)